Disclaimer:  I wanted one, badly, but I have none.  As I started this blog, I spent an hour writing a caveat that would protect me from you and your potentially challenging points of view. After all, once the blog is out there, it is fair game and so am I. My draft disclaimer started out “I may change my mind at any moment, but for now, I think…” and then I continued with some mumbo-gumbo, blah-blah. How nuts is that?  How un-blog like! How un-leaderly!

Seeing the folly of my ways, I led myself out of my self-induced blog-fog. I looked at my concerns (being rejected, not seen as being smart enough), then called up my commitments (to connect and learn), then I chose. I chose to act from my commitments, let my concerns embolden my actions, rather than stop them. Thus, the title and theme of my blogs is (until I change it, which I could do at any moment, just so you know): lead yourself first.

Eggshells and Jell-O: The Un-breakfast of Champions

Leadership isn’t timid-ship.

If you are walking on eggshells with someone, afraid to raise an issue, give it up. If you’re hoping that she (let’s call her Sally) gets your wobbly-as-jello hints and changes her behavior, give it up. If you don’t (and you do have free will), you are giving up your ship, your leadership.

What is the “it” that you have to give up? Your current behavior. It’s not Sally who has to change, it’s you. To give up your behavior, redesign your current view and opinion of Sally and yourself and generate what matters to you.

This is good news. It’s good news because you have the possibility of changing your point of view. You can’t change Sally’s. Question? Yes, in the back, I see your raised hand (with the other one texting). Yes, you absolutely can create an opportunity for Sally to change. I think this is a leader’s accountability.  Sally has to generate the change for herself for it to stick.  Ok, we know all this. Yet, leaders that we are, from time to time, we walk on eggshells, skirting and shirting (equal opportunity of slamming) issues that drain energy and draw down performance.

Rather than enter the dark ‘why-do-I-have-Jell-O-for-arch-supports’ tunnel, let’s stay in the light. Ask yourself: If I am not holding Sally to account, where am I not holding myself to account? (Recognize the adage “I won’t call you on your stuff so you won’t call me on mine”?)  Get your own integrity in (and that doesn’t mean do everything on your list), get clear on the cost of not holding Sally to account, and then act from what you are committed to. Lead yourself first, then Sally.

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of today’s leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She can be reached at camille@wipcoaching.com