Have you ever had one of those days when things just don’t go right? You leave the house only to realize you left your cell phone by the bed and have to drive all the way home to pick it up. After starting off again, you learn, while listening to the radio, that the concert you were so looking forward to Saturday night has been canceled. Then you get to work anxious to start on a project that is under a tight deadline only to discover that you’ve been scheduled for a meeting you knew nothing about.

(Are you grumpy yet?)

You arrive at the meeting and realize it is a complete waste of time and there is no real reason for you to be there. Ducking out early, you check your text messages and discover that your 17-year-old daughter has dented her car (right after you had it detailed) – not hurt, but, you think, “Geeeeessssssssssssss, what next?” Trying to calm down, you swing by the cafeteria for a cup of your favorite coffee. You get there and they are out of the flavor you like. You grab a cup anyway and while rushing back to the office, round a corner too fast only to collide with a co-worker. Result? Coffee all over your new shirt.

That’s it, enough! You snap at her, “Can’t you watch where you’re going?” (Even though the collision was mostly your fault.)

Now, would you say, looking at all that had transpired, that your last reaction was out-of-line? Or, on the other hand, can you understand the outburst considering all you’d been through? Speaking for me, I think your reaction is understandable if you think of it as an expression of frustration in response to everything that happened that day not JUST to the coffee stains on your shirt.

It’s tough sometimes, small things accumulate and all of a sudden we just can’t take it any more. This is exactly what happens in a workplace in which tiny slights and mini-insults build up until those who have been made to feel dismissed and disrespected reach a breaking point of hurt and frustration. Eventually, they “just can’t take it anymore” and completely withdraw or, worse, leave.

These behaviors are known as  “microinequities” or, to use my term, “leakage.” Both terms are good because, yes, they are “micro” and, yes, the impact is to create “inequities.” “Leakage” is also good because such behaviors are usually the result of unconscious biases that “leak” out and end up dripping on those in the workplace who need to be encouraged, not discouraged.

Think how you would feel if your boss looked at her watch while you shared your idea, if your colleagues repeatedly miss-spelled your name despite the numerous times you’ve corrected them, or if your manager failed to include you in a group e-mail even though it discussed a project in which you play a key role.

As individual acts, each of these might be an innocent mistake and, as individual acts, each might not be much to get upset about (like a spilt cup of coffee or forgotten cell phone). Through time, however, they accumulate and the message becomes clear and it is a message far harder to take than “face it, you’re having a bad day.” It is a message that says, “We don’t notice or respect your contributions enough to treat you with common courtesy” – and that’s a message very much worth getting upset about.

Sondra Thiederman is a speaker and author on bias-reduction, diversity, and cross-cultural issues. Her latest book, Making Diversity Work: Seven Steps for Defeating Bias in the Workplace (New York: Kaplan Publishing, Revised second edition, 2008), provides practical tools for defeating bias and bias-related conflicts in the workplace. She can be contacted for Webinars and in-person presentations at: www.Thiederman.com, STPhD@Thiederman.com, 800-858-4478.