While I was pursuing my MBA, I was assigned to give a 30 minute presentation on my business. I remember feeling an internal conflict brewing as I prepared my remarks. I was just becoming aware of how annoyed I feel when I am defined by what I do. I wanted people to know who I am, and it frustrated me to think that my identity was so firmly connected with what I did for a living. This assignment would only add to that definition so I decided to break the mold.
Instead of sharing the normal statistics of our company, i.e., number of employees, gross and net revenues, years in business and our plan to achieve global domination in our marketplace, I decided to relate the defining moments of my professional life and how they molded and shaped my career. I wanted my cohorts to see me as a person, so I shared the highs and lows that contributed to my successes and failures.
MBA classrooms are not known for their warm and fuzzy experiences. They are generally associated with hard facts, controlled emotions and crisp conversations. My presentation was shaping up to be an emotionally intelligent, but soft skilled approach. I felt exposed and vulnerable as I began my talk. Despite my hesitation, I shared my story, hoping it would some how resonate with my classmates.
Authentic Validation
The experience frightened me. I wanted to open up, but I was afraid that “the authentic me”, might be rejected. I didn’t know if I could handle that. As I launched in to my presentation, I began to wonder if it would have been better to wear one of the “masks of command” that are so easy to don when discussing the principles and politics of business. I pushed through it and as I looked at the faces of my friends I could see that my message was favorably received.
When I finished, they gave me an ovation. As we lunched together, many of them commented on how much they enjoyed my remarks. Several stated that they had never seen me look so alive. They could feel the passion in my voice. Some even said that my thoughts inspired them to look at their career differently.
Later in the day, I reflected on what happened. In my presentation, I allowed my true self shine without fear. I behaved in a way that was consistent with my “signature strengths”, instead of pretending to fit the text book mold of an MBA candidate. My preparation required me to really know myself and to courageously expose myself without fear of the consequences. I took a risk, and I felt validated by my results. I presented the real me and it felt good. My classmates knew nothing more about my business. Instead, they now had a bright picture of Andrew and they saw me as person. The fact that I was the president of a successful financial entity was of little importance to them. They were content to know the real me.
Why Not?
The success I felt in this experience continues to encourage me to dig deeper into finding “the authentic me”. At times, it still feels a bit scary, but I accept the fear as the price of passage to discovering the real me. Authenticity is the antidote for self-deceptive behavior. In order to see things as they really are, we must connect with the real self. This requires at first to see all of the masks, shields and cloaks that we sometimes wear to protect ourselves and then evaluate whether or not they are really serving us the way we think they are. It is difficult to get there when our eyes are blinded by the unreal.
My success with knowing myself prompts me to think about others and how they might apply this in their own lives. There are several questions that frequently run through my mind. “Why not be authentic?” “What do we really risk when we open up?” “Do the benefits of being authentic outweigh the potential pitfalls?” “How can a person who has never behaved in this way before, begin to open their true self to the world?” and “Does authentic behavior work for everyone or are there some instances when leaders must wear a mask in order to protect themselves and their organizations?“
I invite you to join me in my consideration of these questions. As more of us learn to speak and behave authentically, many more will feel empowered to do so. The journey to authenticity begins with you. Are you ready to grow whole?
Live Today! Love Today!
Andrew Thorn
760-559-3548
It’s interesting how the shields and masks we wear may or may not serve us the way we think they are. By nature, being authentic is easy, we just make it difficult maybe because of fear of not being accepted (without the masks). I think to some degree we have to protect (or carry diligently) the authentic self like the way you had to overcome your fear in the presentation and go through with it. In a way were you carrying a shield to express your authenticity? Some situations may not invite our innocence to travel freely without criticism. But the situation is in the mind, the mind we can control. Maybe we don’t have to protect it per say, just carry it diligently. What do you think?
Hi Arya – I don’t think it ever serves us to be something that we are not. I just don’t feel it helps to pretend, even when we think the truth is too ugly for others to hear. I would rather have people not like me because they know the real me, then to like me because I told them what they want to hear.
That said, I do not think we have to be abusive or abrasive when we are acting authentic. I think we can be ourselves without being offensive. I think we don the mask to because we think any other way would be offensive. I don’t buy that.
Just be the real you. There is nothing worse than somebody asking, “Are you for real?”
Live Today! Love Today!
Andrew
Thanks for the response Andrew! I’m not promoting the mask wearing but having experienced my own masks in the past, i think they served me to better understand myself. They served me to realize the real me, though it also had a lot to do with me facing the masks rather than using them to protect myself.
The part about protecting the authentic self without the mask, I meant that in a nurturing way so that the self can flourish in face of negative criticism.
Arya