Why do women place so much value on relationships?
Recent advances in neuroscience suggest some answers. A UCLA lab team using functional MRIs found that humans register the social pain of isolation and rejection in the same areas of the brain and with the same intensity as they register physical pain. Further investigation revealed that women experience social pain more acutely than men and in more parts of the brain simultaneously. Another study using similar methodology revealed that the hippocampus, which constitutes the major memory center in the brain, is more active in women when they are interacting with others. This makes women more likely to remember the details of emotional exchanges and personal conversations.
UCLA social psychologist Shelley Taylor presents evidencethat the popularly described “fight or flight” instinct operates differently in women and men. Instead of responding aggressively or fleeing the scene when danger presents itself, women react by “tending and befriending,” broadening and deepening relationships with others in order to mitigate stress. Taylor noted that lab research reveals that tending and befriending behavior in women stimulates the release of oxytocin, a neurohormone that calms the central nervous system and promotes a feeling of connection with others.
Oxytocin operates similarly in men and women. But testosterone, which is stimulated in men by the appearance of danger, blocks its action, whereas estrogen seems to enhance its effects. It’s therefore little wonder that relationships are so important to women. Human connection provides the primary physiological resource that enables women to cope with stress.
Organizations that support strong relationships create an oxytocin-rich environment that gives women the resources they need to thrive.
This post was excerpted from The Female Vision, published by Berrett-Kohler Publishers, June 2010.
Sally Helgesen is the author of five books, including the classic best-seller, The Female Advantage, celebrating its 20th year in print, and The Web of Inclusion, described by The Wall Street Journal as one of the best books on leadership ever published. She is an international speaker and groundbreaking thinker on leadership and organizations.
Julie Johnson, a graduate of the Harvard Business School, is considered to be one of America’s most experienced and well respected coaches. She has coached hundreds of senior executives in blue chip companies and has worked with many of the most successful women in the Fortune 500. Her work has been published in the Harvard Business Review as well as in the noted book, Coaching for Leadership.
