I often find myself associating, on either a professional or personal level, with people who see the world much differently than I do. I enjoy these relationships, because they help me understand things that I might normally reject. I love being with people who know how to share their own view points without disrespecting those that are held by others. It makes it possible for us to talk about things that are normally deemed too delicate or sensitive to discuss.

These relationships seem to lead more often to friendships that are truly capable of lifting and supporting each other. We don’t go around trying to tear each other down. The competition we feel is healthy. It doesn’t matter if our agendas are similar or contrary. Because we respect each other, we are able to stand up and cheer each other on.

Toxic Friends

Sadly, not all relationships are like this. Some friends are toxic. I have invested in many friendships that I knew would never become healthy friendships. I held to a belief that if I loved enough, the other person would learn to love me too. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work. I have learned the hard way, on more than one occasion, that it really is easier to end these relationships than it is to hang on to them and hope that they will somehow mature.

Of course there is pain associated with ending a toxic relationship, but it is a lot less than that associated with maintaining one. I find it interesting that these types of friends spend most of their time belittling and tearing the other down, then strongly protest when an attempt is made to end the relationship. I always wonder, “why do they want to be my friend? They don’t support me or value me.” I don’t understand all the reasons behind it, but I know that toxic friends hate being cut off.

Time To Clean Up

I am ending several relationships like this right now. Some of these people have been my friend for a long time. Some are very close to me, but I am tired of the abuse that is required to be their friend. I am certain, that I am not the ideal friend for these people either, so I am hopeful that we can make a clean break without a lot of drama.

I feel like I can love and support these people better by stepping away. I think even the best of friendships eventually reach a point where separate paths become more desirable, so I am ending these relationships with the thought in mind that it is time to go our separate ways.

I feel a little guilt for doing this, but I know that it is for the best. I know that I need to let these relationships go, because they are occupying too much of my time, and taking too much of my energy. I need to make room for the many wonderful relationships that are waiting to take me to the next level.

I am saying goodbye while I still hold some form of goodwill toward the other. This will allow me to fondly remember the good times we may have shared. If I wait much longer, I am sure there will be a blow-up. I choose to avoid that, by simply saying farewell.

Moving On

Some will find this hard to understand. Some will be hurt, some will become bitter and others will feel a sense of relief. I hope they will eventually understand that it is just time to move on, and that moving on will create new opportunities for both of us to grow.

• When was the last time you took an inventory of your friendships?
• Do you know which ones are breathing life into your dreams and which ones are not?
• What steps are you willing to take to make room for new healthy relationships?

As I move forward, I am conscious of the lessons I have learned. I recognized early on, that some of these friendships would never develop into healthy relationships, but I allowed them to develop because I needed something or wanted something that I thought I could get. In this way, I added to the toxicity and the drama,and for that, I am sorry.

I am reminded of a quote from Maya Angelou that one of my most precious friends shared with me. She said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” I will use that to guide the establishment of my new friendships. I hope you will too.

Live Today! Love Today!

Andrew Thorn
760-559-3548