Unbound Ideas » coaching

How Leaders Breathe Underwater

Camille Smith — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:40:59 +0000

Many (many) summers ago, when I was in training to be a lifeguard on New York’s Lake George, the first principle I learned was how to safely approach a swimmer in distress. A safe approach included talking to them, letting them know I was there to help them, and giving them instructions.

The second principle I learned was how to get out of harm’s way if I didn’t successfully execute the first principle. Good to know. If the victim locked his arms around my neck, my automatic moves were: my right arm over his arms, right hand under right side of his chin, strongly

push chin to right as my left hand pushed up on other arm, lower my head, swim down and away. Regroup, approach swimmer again, safely.

Then again, there’s always holding your breath. But, if you’re like me, you can’t do it for long enough for the hangers-on to let go. The “be caught and released” scenario was my out. (Fascinated with people who do seeming inhuman feats? David Blaine broke the Guinness world record for breath-holding by staying underwater for 17 minutes and 4 seconds on “The Oprah Winfrey Program.”)

A leader must learn to recognize when they have been put in a headlock by the circumstances and are being pulled under, away from their vision, away from leading. The leadership moves are: Put your right hand on your belly and breathe deeply 3 times, with your left hand strongly push your chair from the desk, raise your head, stand up and take 3 steps away from the riptide called your “not-done” list.

Regroup by answering: What is it I need to do this moment to be most effective? (Prioritize? Remake promises? Stop doing what is comfortable and do what’s needed? Request support from my colleagues? Call my coach?) Approach work again, safely, from being centered and focused. Disengaging from the never-ending riptide of circumstances will help you stay on the surface so you don’t have to learn how to breathe underwater.

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of everyone today, not just leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, Camille provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She doesn’t bring the answers, she creates them with you. Reach her at camille@wipcoaching.com.

The Opportunity of Mistakes: Positive Impact with Authentic Apologies

Camille Smith — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:54:04 +0000

Sports blogs are read 100 times more than leadership blogs. So I’m going with Mark McGwire’s apology to raise a leadership point. During the Bob Costa interview, McGwire admitted to his steroid use http://tinyurl.com/yhxqb87 — use he’d been denying for years, even under oath to Congress. I’ll let you call McGwire’s apology a ball or a strike in the zone of authenticity.

First, let’s all get off our high horses – give me a moment to dismount – and move beyond the ball park and into cubical land where most of us work. The mistake is not the point. The point is, when we make them, what do we do next? What’s the leadership move? What’s the impact

we have the opportunity to make after we recognize the mistake?

For the mistake-maker and the mistake-receiver, an authentic apology works, a lame one does not. The truth works, lies do not. You know this, I know this, we tell our kids this. Well, some of us tell our kids this. Others say “Lie, Baby, Lie.” Who are these Others? Execs at Hooker Chemical who created the infamous Love canal http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_Canal. Enron traders who called power plants to request power outages, (watch the movie, The Smartest Guys in the Room). Unfortunately, there are lots of Others to choose from. Take malpractice lawyers.

The overwhelming consensus among medical malpractice lawyers, when it comes to conflict resolution and mediation strategies, is to recommend silence when their physician clients are sued for a medical error, http://www.perfectapology.com/medical-malpractice.html. The leader of South Carolina’s Trial Lawyers Association sums up this conventional wisdom about medical apologies—”I would never introduce a doctor’s apology in court. It is my job to make a doctor look bad in front of a jury, and telling the jury the doctor apologized and tried to do the right thing kills my case.”

More than the case gets killed when the truth is intentionally concealed. And more than the case is revived when the truth is told. Read about the impact of a doctor’s apology on a patient he misdiagnosed http://tinyurl.com/2evph2.The patient was deeply touched; the doctor changed lab procedures to eliminate the same mistake in the future. That’s the impact I seek.

To authentically apologize, a person has to first take responsibility, not blame, for how they contributed to the mistake happening. Once this first step is taken, the next steps show up: speak to the people impacted by the mistake. Ask what can be done to correct the impact of the mistake. Listen and get it..

Leaders impact. An authentic apology has the possibility to examine ‘how we do things around here” and how we treat each other. That’s the point. That’s what’s possible when people lead themselves first.

Challenge: Trade a transactional conversation for a transformational one

Camille Smith — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:09:48 +0000

Huge topic. Let’s start with a situation: An employee who doesn’t report to you asks that you keep the following in confidence. Their performance review is overdue by 4 months. The employee anticipates a pay raise which is needed due to their spouse’s working hours reduced due to forced furloughs. They also want to know if they are doing Ok or not. If not, what to improve. They think they are performing well, but without feedback, doubt is being to creep in. A pending lawsuit has resurfaced with newspaper visibility puling leader, their manager, into many meetings with different constituents; the organization’s board chair recently resigned; lack of funds may close organization within 6 months. The employee asked for the review 2 months ago and now does not how to approach manager. The employee does not want to show up as greedy, self-serving or add stress to manager; they love their job and how they are managed.

Your move. Will you advise them to have a transactional or the transformational conversation? The transactional track is easy, here’s what you say to the employee: Email boss with dates, facts and say you will forward this email to HR if review doesn’t happen within 5 days. Steve Roesle r gives us these distinctions: Transactional conversations keep things as they are. Transformational conversations

move people outside the boxes in which they’ve placed themselves and others. Yes, there are times when a transactional conversation is appropriate. I invite you to consider that a transformational conversation can accomplish the task and build trusting relationships in the process.

In the situation I’ve described, the transformational track may look something like this: You begin by asking the employee to separate (distinguish) what he thinks/imagines/fears might/could happen (i.e., add to manager’s stress) as his interpretation, not a fact. (To d this, you need to know this distinction.) You ask what he wants to accomplish in the long run in his relationship with the manager (his commitment) and in the short run (a legit performance review). You continue with action steps: Have a f2f (not email) conversation in which you acknowledge current situation and how you have held back in asking for the review. Take responsibility for not speaking up. Remind the employee to have an appreciation for what the manager may feel (guilt) and to not adopt the imagined feelings. Formulating a specific, clear request for the review may be necessary (the review to happen by a certain date).

Caveat: Do not “do” the steps above to anyone. Transformation is not a technique or parlor game it is a way of ‘being’, where you are coming from. There is a technology (methodology) associated with it: ontology, which you can learn.I invite you to take it on. Your world will never be the same, happily and outrageously satisfying and productively so.

OR:::: Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of everyone today, not just leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She doesn’t bring the answers, she brings them out of you. Reach her at camille@wipcoaching.com.

The Ultimate Leadership FAQ & Answer

Camille Smith — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:59:19 +0000

Whether CEO, CFO, employee, spouse, spouse-ette, baker man, thief – we all want to know: How can I make him/her/them behave differently, the way I want them behave? The answer: You can’t, they must. OK, you saw that coming.

So, let’s rephrase the FAQ: How do you influence someone to change their behavior?

Answer: Obey the First Law of Performance, articulated by my past colleague Steve and Dave. How people perform correlates to how situations occur to them. Steve and Dave: “Consider that when we do something, it always makes complete sense to us. On the other hand, when others do something, we often question, “Why are they doing that? It doesn’t make any sense!” But, if we got into the world of the person [into their head], and looked at how the situation occurred to them, [Being John Malkovich, trailer] we would experience that the same actions that we were questioning were completely and absolutely the perfect and correct thing for him to do, given how the situation is occurring to the person.”

Knowing the First Law, you can probably answer The Ultimate Leadership FAQ. Give it a try. I’ll push the pause-blog button …. [Musak for 9 seconds] … Yes, you are right! To change someone’s behavior, change how the world occurs to them. Change how the world occurs and their actions change to match the new world view. Bingo!

That was easy. So the Real Ultimate Leadership FAQ is: How do you change someone’s “occurring world”?

The answer: Change where their world occurs. It occurs in the conversation they have about the world (situation, other people, sales targets, deadlines, frozen budgets, new competitors, you name it). It’s the conversation, Silly! Create a conversation that creates a new world occurring — a conversation that the person now generates for themselves, and lives inside of. Simple and profound. Welcome to leadership.

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of everyone today, not just leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She doesn’t bring the answers; she brings them out of you. Reach out to her at camille@wipcoaching.com.

Shake, Rattle & Roll: Listening outside the box

Camille Smith — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:39:41 +0000

Do you need to re-ignite yourself in these days of 100 inputs to produce 2 outputs? Turn up the volume!

If you consider yourself curious, creative and innovative (or want to demonstrate more of those qualities), listen not just to the music, but to the musician – the leader generating the sounds that move you.

Let’s start with less is more – as in Les Paul is more than a legendary guitarist. Considered a pioneer in the development of the solid-body electric guitar which made the sound of rock and roll possible and credited with recording innovations, including overdubbing, tape delay, phasing effects, and multi-track recording, Les lead himself first as he describes playing with arthritic fingers, “learn(ing) in a hurry to live with and overcome obstacles”. For today’s “lead yourself first” lesson (and at the risk of having you not return to read the rest of this post), please listen as Terry Gross interviews Les Paul, guitar hero who recently passed. Hear his verve at http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111888401.

Want the classical approach? There’s Roger Nierenberg, former conductor of the Stamford Symphony and creator of The Music Paradigm. “Being on the podium affords the global view of the lights and shades that were there, already playing, but you didn’t hear.” Roger will be at the October 2009 GILD. I cried during his keynote last year. Join me for at best leadership immersion program on the planet, email me to take advantage of a 2-for-1 offer.

My point? Shake up your listening. Rattle your own box. Roll into a new future by listening for the inspiration around you, especially coming from your team. Keep the box, use it when it works. When it doesn’t serve you, step beyond it to achieve new possibilities for yourself, as a leader, and your team, as a team of leaders.

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of everyone today, not just leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She doesn’t bring the answers, she brings them out of you. Reach out to her at camille@wipcoaching.com.

Is not saying something a lie?

Camille Smith — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 02:29:39 +0000

What do you say? Yes? No? This statement screamed from an ad in the September issue of Fast Company (www.fastcompany.com). I ripped it out (love ripping and tearing) and marked it with a “B” (code for a blog topic). (The pages of my books are peppered with these breadcrumbs as I follow my interests in “V” for values, “L” for leadership, “R” for relationship, “M” for measures, etc. Got codes?)

The company asking “Is not saying something a lie?” is a bank, the Ally Bank. I am not plugging them. I am plugging the question they ask. Great questions lead to great thinking. Answers often limit it.

Want to see TV’s answer? Go to http://www.fox.com/lietome. Want mine?

It is Absolutely “it depends”. What I do or do not say depends on the context, the situation and my commitment – and all that hinges on my perception.

Here’s a proverb from my Irish friend, MJ: “She put the lie in my mouth.” Meaning, when someone offers you a reason for something you did/didn’t do and asks if that’s the reason and you say “yes”, even though what the person offered isn’t your real, swear-on-the-blarney stone, cut-off-The-Guinness, reason … it’s a lie. For example, let’s say a person’s face is bruised from a nose job and the other person says: “Were you in an accident?” If the bruised person says “Yes,” the person with a new nose lied.

The ad goes on to say: “In banking, there’s profit and there’s integrity. It shouldn’t be a choice between the two.” Ah, there’s the magic word, integrity: the state of being complete, of being sound and undamaged; the quality of possessing and steadfastly adhering to high moral principles or professional standards. And much of that, if not all that, hinges on perception. Mine, if we’re talking about me, yours, if we’re talking about you, which I hope you are doing right now.

Coming from “it depends” requires thinking, judgment, assessing, considering. It requires taking a stand on what you say is important. Leave the black/white, yes/no to the law. For leadership, I say, come from “it depends”.

Do you subscribe to “Seeing is believing”? Go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3f-WPrKnRU, see Criss Angel, the beLIEve, magician, suck your eyeballs out of their sockets. If you want to see how he creates this magic, go to(www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu0G6NWQeM4). Hum, would it have been a lie if I had NOT given you the link to the reveal?

So when is not saying something a lie? When the information I withhold gives me an edge over you and reduces your success or effectiveness, I lie. When I know that the information I withhold benefits me because I withhold it, I lie. I say these are lies because they are not consistent with my commitment to support another’s success. They are lies because I say so, not because the police could arrest me.

From time to time, I lie. When I catch myself, I have the opportunity to pick up my integrity and come clean. Good thing Pinocchio’s nose job was fiction. Otherwise, I’d be holding my long my nose up, as well as my integrity.

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of everyone today, not just leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She doesn’t bring all the answers to you; she brings them out with you. Reach her at camille@wipcoaching.com.

Boomers & GenY Share Same Bed (of values)

Camille Smith — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 19:54:43 +0000

I take it all back. Well, some of it, anyway. In my last blog (“Millennials are Not Younger Boomers”), I made the case that what Millennials value, think important and can’t do without, is different from what Boomers cherish. Next day, I receive another intelligence report from HBR (http://harvardbusiness.org; July-Aug 09), How Gen Y & Boomers Will Reshape Your Agenda, with the tag line: Your oldest and youngest talent cohorts demand many of the same things in a workplace.

What? We like the same things? Shut-Up! (OK, this expression of surprise still sounds odd to me.) Sure, I felt younger by the minute as I read about how much I had in common with the younger-something’s. I felt older by the word as I, once again (and not for the last time), had to rethink yesterday’s well-reasoned view. [Sidebar: Rethinking is the new pink in 2009, replacing the know-it-all orange of 2008. The Good News Tip for 2010 and beyond: Thinking will not go out of style, like color. More about rethinking in future blogs, for now, it’s back to the shared bed.]

As it turns out, both the Millennials and I like flexible work arrangements and the opportunity to give …

… give back to society, that is. The authors, (find them at www.worklifepolicy.org), conclude that this synchronicity of viewpoints creates a new “center of gravity for human resources management”. Meaning, companies need to rethink how they relate to their workforce because the GenYs and the Boomers may pull the work place environment into a similar orbit, the one that matches their shared values.

But don’t let this shared value revelation blind you. We still must pause (and care) to ask and not assume what the value means to each person, regardless of age or anything. A GenYer and I may both say ‘giving back’ is important, but, what it means and how we go about fulfilling it can look very different.

One of my giving backs is the Global Women’s Leadership Network (www.gwln.org), dedicated to developing the leadership capacity of women who dare to transform the future of their organizations, communities, and the world. A GenY may want to swing a hammer for Habitat for Humanity. That’s cool. My point is we can share the same value bed, as long as we each say what our side of the bed means to us. As for the HR management team, it’s their job to figure out how to give us the ability to adjust the firmness of our respective side of the corporate mattress so we both feel supported and can give our all at work and all over. One side does not fit all.

I like that I share values with GenY. It kinda makes me feel young, not like I feel old, mind you. I got a new burst of youth watching the National Senior Games at Stanford this weekend (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aytfWYT1-yQ.). The Boss just turned 60 (http://www.aarpmagazine.org/entertainment/bruce_springsteen.html).

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of today’s leaders and their workforce. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She can be reached at camille@wipcoaching.com.

Millennials are Not Younger Boomers

Camille Smith — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 13:50:11 +0000

What’s ur carbon date? U know ur old when your dentist doesn’t know what carbon paper is. U know ur old when you say ‘true dat’ to the 20-something you are trying to impress and they get a nostalgic look in their eye and say “wow, I haven’t heard that in years!” U know ur old when your audience doesn’t laugh at a promise to “mimeograph that to all staff on Monday.”

I am a card-carrying Boomer and proud of it. If I get too proud, however, and blinded by my own sage light, the Millennials will move on and I’ll be left in my own dust, having not connected or been respected. A Boomer Bummer, big time.

We boomers need to get over ourselves and get on with partnering with the Millennials. Why? Start the list. #1: We need their new thinking and world view to solve problems we’ve created in our environments – the environment within our corporations and the one on the planet. This may be on the only item we need on the list.

Lisa Orrell, www.theorrellgroup.com, the generation expert, author of Millennials Incorporated, and my co-facilitator of Transitioning to Leadership Program: How to Effectively Move Your GenY Employees Into Leadership Roles (for program info, www.wipcoaching.com), reminds me that “the Millennials are not young boomers, they see work and themselves in very different light.”

During a recent panel Lisa moderated on the topic of Working with Millennials at Cisco for the www.Fountainblue.biz series, When She Speaks, a Women in Leadership Series, the following was revealed: Millennials are energetic with a ton of ideas and a direct, assertive style in communicating them, without necessarily following established business etiquette or without (or even knowing they need to) respecting the chain-of-command expectations (e.g., they may speak to top management over or before their direct bosses). They are globally-minded and techno-savvy, leveraging social media tools (YouTube, FaceBook, Twitter) to build their networks and knowledge.

They are used to multi-tasking (texting during meetings, committing to many work and life projects and juggling multiple priorities), to confidently speaking what’s on their mind (directly communicating their goals and objectives), and to being global in their interests and connections. In addition to these strengths, a noted weakness is that many Millennials are more interested in generating ideas than in seeing them through to results and conclusions, often distracted by the next idea.

What’s are we Boomers to do? I say Adopt a Millennial. That’s my 09 project. Anyone interested? I am accepting applications now. Tell me what you want to learn in the domain of leadership and I’ll mentor you to succeed. In exchange, you teach me about your world. True dat.

Camille Smith understands what it takes to change at the individual, team and organizational levels. It’s not easy, it’s worth doing, and it’s required of today’s leaders. Specializing in transformational leadership, she provides the knowledge and coaching to teach others to create and sustain breakthroughs in performance. She can be reached at camille@wipcoaching.com.

The Best Time to Change? Right Now!

Marshall Goldsmith — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:36:00 +0000

As talent professionals adapt to the changing business environment and prepare for a “new kind of employee,” they’re considering how to completely transform their strategies around recruitment, retention, compensation, performance, training and pretty much every other people-related aspect within their organizations.

Their obsession with change might be justified. After all, the incoming group of employees is far more diverse, demanding and technically savvy than any that preceded it, and few question the need to somehow adjust to this dynamic generation’s needs.

And yet, there’s the issue of execution:

What changes are necessary to accommodate the natives of this brave new world of work, and do we have the resources, time, energy and manpower to make them a reality?

As I’ve noted before, of the tens of thousands of businesspeople who have come to my lectures and classes, about 70 percent follow through on what they learn and actually do something about it. I am not ashamed of this number, which suggests a 30 percent noncompliance rate. To tell you the truth, I’m proud of the fact that fewer than a third of them don’t change anything — and I’m amazed the number isn’t much higher than that.

We have interviewed hundreds of people who have participated in my programs one year after they went through them. We ask the people who didn’t do anything why they did not live up to the commitments they made after they attended leadership training.

As far as I can tell, most of the people who do nothing aren’t any different as human beings than those who do change. They are no less intelligent. They often have the same values. Why, then, don’t they do what they promised themselves they would do?
The answer can be found in a dream. It’s a dream I have often, and you might have a similar one. It goes something like this:

“I am incredibly busy right now. In fact, I’m about as busy as I have ever felt. Some days, I feel overcommitted and just too exhausted to take on anything else. At times like these, my life feels like it’s out of control.

“But on the bright side, I’m working on some really interesting and special projects right now, and I believe the worst of this stressful time will be over in a few weeks or months. After that, I’ll take a couple of weeks off, get my life back in order, spend some more time with family and friends, and start working out. Everything is going to change soon, I promise. After that, it won’t be crazy anymore!”

Have you ever dreamed up a scenario that sounds vaguely similar to this? How long have you held on to this dream? How’s that working out for you?

Perhaps it’s time to stop dreaming of a time when you won’t be busy. Because — let’s face it — that time won’t ever come. It’s my dream, and yours. But it’s also a mirage — an oasis that forever rests on the horizon.

I have learned a hard lesson trying to bring about real changes, in people and organizations: There is no “couple of weeks” of pure downtime to get things in order. Just look at the trend line — calm and sanity do not prevail! There is a good chance that tomorrow is going to be just as crazy as today.

If you want to change anything about yourself, the best time to start is right now. Ask yourself, “What am I willing and able to change now, at this very moment?” then just do that.

That’s more than enough. For now.

Marshall Goldsmith (Marshall@MarshallGoldsmith.com) is corporate America’s preeminent executive coach and a founder of Marshall Goldsmith Partners. He is the author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There – the Wall Street Journal #1 best seller, and Succession: Are You Ready – published in February 2008 as part of the Harvard Business ‘Memo to the CEO’ series. Marshall is also on the faculty of the executive education programs at Dartmouth College and the University of Michigan.

This article in a different form originally appeared in Talent Management.

Eggshells and Jell-O: Not a leader’s diet

Camille Smith — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 16:28:15 +0000

Disclaimer: I wanted one, badly, but I have none. As I started this blog, I spent an hour writing a caveat that would protect me from you and your potentially challenging points of view. After all, once the blog is out there, it is fair game and so am I. My draft disclaimer started out “I may change my mind at any moment, but for now, I think…” and then I continued with some mumbo-gumbo, blah-blah. How nuts is that? How un-blog like! How un-leaderly!

Seeing the folly of my ways, I led myself out of my self-induced blog-fog. I looked at my concerns (being rejected, not seen as being smart enough), then called up my commitments (to connect and learn), then I chose. I chose to act from my commitments, let my concerns embolden my actions, rather than stop them. Thus, the title and theme of my blogs is (until I change it, which I could do at any moment, just so you know): lead yourself first.

Eggshells and Jell-O: The Un-breakfast of Champions

Leadership isn’t timid-ship.

If you are walking on eggshells with someone, afraid to raise an issue, give it up. If you’re hoping that she (let’s call her Sally) gets your wobbly-as-jello hints and changes her behavior, give it up. If you don’t (and you do have free will), you are giving up your ship, your leadership.

What is the “it” that you have to give up? Your current behavior. It’s not Sally who has to change, it’s you. To give up your behavior, redesign your current view and opinion of Sally and yourself and generate what matters to you.

This is good news. It’s good news because you have the possibility of changing your point of view. You can’t change Sally’s. Question? Yes, in the back, I see your raised hand (with the other one texting). Yes, you absolutely can create an opportunity for Sally to change. I think this is a leader’s accountability. Sally has to generate the change for herself for it to stick. Ok, we know all this. Yet, leaders that we are, from time to time, we walk on eggshells, skirting and shirting (equal opportunity of slamming) issues that drain energy and draw down performance.

Rather than enter the dark ‘why-do-I-have-Jell-O-for-arch-supports’ tunnel, let’s stay in the light. Ask yourself: If I am not holding Sally to account, where am I not holding myself to account? (Recognize the adage “I won’t call you on your stuff so you won’t call me on mine”?) Get your own integrity in (and that doesn’t mean do everything on your list), get clear on the cost of not holding Sally to account, and then act from what you are committed to. Lead yourself first, then Sally.

The Ultimate Coaching Advice

Marshall Goldsmith — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:36:26 +0000

You are now about to receive the best coaching advice that you will ever get in this—or perhaps any other—lifetime! You are about to receive advice from a very wise old person. Listen very carefully to what this wise old person says.

First, take a deep breath. Take a deeper breath. Now, imagine that you are 95 years old and you are just about to die. Here comes your last breath. But before you take your last breath, you are being given a wonderful, beautiful gift: the ability to travel back in time and talk with the person who is reading this column. The 95-year-old you has been given the chance to help the you of today to have a great career and, much more important, to have a great life.

Figure Out What Counts

The 95-year-old you knows what was really important and what wasn’t; what really mattered and what didn’t; what really counted and what didn’t count at all. What advice does the wise “old you” have for the you reading this column? Take your time. Jot down the answers on two levels: personal advice and professional advice. And once you have written down these words, take them to heart.

In the world of performance appraisals, this may well be the one that matters most. At the end of life, if the old you thinks that you did the right thing, you probably did. If the old you thinks that you screwed up, you probably did. At the end of life, you don’t have to impress anyone else—just that person you see in the mirror.

A friend of mine actually had the opportunity to talk with old people who were facing death and to ask them what advice they would have had for themselves. Their answers were filled with wisdom. One recurring theme was to take the time to reflect on life and find happiness and meaning now. A frequent comment from old people runs along the lines of: “I got so wrapped up in looking at what I didn’t have that I missed what I did have. I had almost everything. I wish I had taken more time to appreciate it.”

Look to the Present

The great Western disease of “I will be happy when…” is sweeping the world (see BusinessWeek.com, 3/21/07, “Dogged by a Daydream”). You know the symptoms. You start thinking: I will be happy when I get that…BMW…that promotion…that status…that money. The only way to cure the disease is to find happiness and meaning now.

A second theme from old folks was friends and family. You may work for a wonderful company and believe that your contribution is very important. But when you are 95 and you look around your death bed, very few of your fellow employees will be waving goodbye! Your friends and family will probably be the only people who care.

Don’t get so lost in pleasing the people who don’t care that you neglect the people who do.

Give It a Try!

Another recurring theme was to follow your dreams. Older people who tried to achieve their dreams were happier with their lives. None of us will ever achieve all of our dreams. If we do, we will just make up new ones! If we go for it, we can at least say at the end, “I tried!” instead of, “Why didn’t I at least try?”

In conducting research for one of my books, my co-author and I interviewed more than 200 high-potential leaders from around the world. A key question that we asked was: “If you stay in this company, why are you going to stay?”

The top three answers:

1. “I am finding meaning and happiness now. The work is exciting, and I love what I am doing.”

2. “I like the people here. They are my friends. This feels like a team—like a family. I might make more money if I left, but I don’t want to leave the people here.”

3. “I can follow my dreams. This organization is giving me the chance to grow and do what I really want to do in life.”

When my friend asked people who were on their death beds what really mattered in life, and when I asked young, high-potential leaders what really mattered at work, we heard about the same thing.

If you want to make a new beginning in life—look ahead to the end. Then decide what to do.

This article in a different form originally appeared in BusinessWeek.com.

The impact of effective coaching: Who, When, How

David Cohen — Thu, 14 May 2009 16:47:30 +0000

Every coach has their own viewpoint and strategy, and I can only speak for what I believe in. But the person being coached and, more importantly, the organization paying for that coaching should engage those services at the right time, for the right reasons, and in the right way – in order to maximize positive impact and contribute to the organization’s overall goals. Here’s a story that illustrates my point.

Ron had been working for a major insurance company for nearly 30 years when he got the bad news. As an individual contributor, Ron had been regularly promoted because he achieved business results; but in his new role as vice president, he needed to orchestrate success through his direct reports – something it turned out he was incapable of doing. As a result, his employees wanted transfers; his boss was under the gun for poor numbers; and the CEO told Ron that unless he became a better team player, he wouldn’t make retirement.

Ron’s boss – a former HR director who understood the importance of development – used the crisis as an excuse to put all his vice presidents through a behavioral team building process. Working off-site, Ron’s team clarified his failings as a team player by identifying the actual behaviors he exhibited that kept them from succeeding. Two key behaviors emerged: Ron demonstrated a lack of respect for his team by allowing meetings and conversations to be continually interrupted; and Ron demonstrated a lack of confidence in them by overruling their decisions, no matter how much work or preparation had gone into them.

Enter Coach. A coach was called in to work with Ron on these concrete behavior changes. What helped Ron accept the feedback and alter his leadership style was the imminent threat to his career, and the fact that development objectives were centered on achieving business results, not personal attacks. Through this coaching, Ron learned how to become aware of the impact he had on others. At the same time, Ron’s team was enlisted in helping him understand what they needed from him to succeed, establishing an open and ongoing dialogue. Whenever Ron demonstrated a behavior that was counter-productive, his team members felt safe in letting him know. As Ron progressed, he loosened his grip on the decision making process and allowed team members autonomy in line with team goals.

The project they were working on came in on-time and under-budget, making everyone look good. New successes piled up in the following months. By the end of the year, rumors that Ron was being promoted out of the division led his team to again go behind Ron’s back, this time to protest any move that didn’t include them. As they put it, it’s taken a lot of work to finally make him a good manager, why should others enjoy the fruits of that labor?

Ron’s turnaround made for a happy ending. Coaching, at the right time, under the right circumstances, and with the right objectives in mind, can have that kind of effect.

What makes for the right time? The first 18 months after hiring are critical to success or failure. Replacement of new employees costs 2.5 times annual salary, therefore coaching in the early stages is a worthy investment. Just as critical is the period in advance of promotion. Any new role, particularly one that relies heavily on interpersonal skills, will require different behaviors for success. Identifying and working on those behaviors in advance, can increase the probability the promotion will work out. Finally, as circumstances and business objectives change, previously successful employees may find that their skill sets no longer match their roles. Coaching can rescue a valued employee who’s about to hit a wall and reinvigorate their ability and desire to make a significant contribution.

How is coaching most effective? As Ron’s case shows, coaching that centers on concrete behaviors aligned with achieving business results has great meaning to the individual and concrete impact on the organization. The closer coaching comes to actual on-the-job experience, the more learning occurs. That’s why classroom learning almost never has a developmental impact. Knowing that business objectives are at stake keeps everyone honest and on-track. It also functions as a measuring stick for assessing progress.

Finally, we return to the original question: who should do the coaching? External coaches are effective as long as they understand what behaviors need to be changed and how that change can best be brought about. But another kind of coach is more readily available and already sensitive to the circumstances. We call them “internal coaches” these days, but they used to be known as “managers” – and their crucial role in organizational success is perhaps being undervalued and overlooked.

If business objectives have been broken down into on-the-job behaviors, and managers have been given formal training in identifying and developing those behaviors in their direct reports, they then have the tools to guide, teach, correct, reward, motivate and evaluate their people effectively. Coaching is about providing feedback in a timely and objective manner; it’s about helping people develop the behaviors necessary to succeed; it’s about letting people know when they have done the right thing and deliberately thanking them for their hard work. It sounds simple and basic but it’s true and it also gets easier and more natural over time. In today’s highly specialized business world, we spend too much energy thinking of coaching as a technical chore and overlook it as a means of reward. For a manager, there is no better feeling than having helped someone succeed and celebrating that success. Give everyone concerned the tools and encouragement to have a coach-friendly environment, and your company will reap the benefits.

David Cohen is president of Strategic Action Group, and author of “Inside the Box: Leading with Corporate Values to Drive Sustained Business Success”.

Licensed to coach

David Cohen — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 15:34:25 +0000

Over the last ten years, professional or executive coaching has become a growth industry. A quick internet search reveals thousands of hits for sites about coaches and coaching services. But how do you judge whether a coach will be right for you? Most managers and even most executives can’t afford the big names – the rock-star authors on the best-seller lists – so that leaves the rest of us – the relatively unheralded men and women working in the field. How do you tell us apart?

Some major organizations like the International Coaching Federation (IFC) offer programs, certifications and credentials. But I think there are other questions you should consider when selecting a coach to make it a worthwhile investment. While coaching can provide valuable help to a valued manager or executive, the danger exists that it ends up being an impersonal, non-specific activity. Is it necessary for your coach to have a doctoral degree in education or business? Should he or she be a successful business leader who now wants to help others? Should they be a member of a professional federation?

In talking with the coaches I know who are highly valued by their clients, I came up with a guideline of general considerations. Call them the 3 R’s:

Referral: The best coaches seem to be found through word of mouth. If you’re looking for a good coach, ask other leaders or managers about their experiences and who they would honestly recommend. Otherwise, you’re taking a big chance. Accreditation on its own is too loose a standard; academic training doesn’t necessarily equal practical impact; colorful life experience just makes for good story telling; and business success doesn’t automatically translate into coaching success. There are many great coaches that never ran successful world-class firms – and many world-class business leaders you would never wish to have as a coach.

Relationship: Change isn’t easy. A coach needs to develop trust, personal connection and openness with a client to help them change their behavior and hold them accountable for reaching development goals. That means at least some one-on-one face time plus follow up – a real relationship.

Results: Speaking of goals. Why has a coach been hired in the first place? When targets or issues are specific, responsibilities become clear and the probability of success is enhanced. Behavior change and development needs to be in line with business needs. Results should be measurable. A specific time line needs to be in place. Coaching does not mean coaching for life. Business coaching is about helping you change for business success. If the benefit of that coaching extends into your personal life so much the better, but that should not be an expected requirement. Good coaching culminates in the employee’s ability to learn to identify their own issues going forward. Ultimately, the employee should be able to adjust their behavior and succeed on their own, without the help of a second party.

Here’s an additional Top 10 key point for finding the right coach. Your coach should:

1. Be recommended to you by someone who shares your work values;

2. Understand your environment, even if they’ve never done your specific job or participated in your industry;

3. Be someone you’ve met and feel comfortable with and decide on – not someone who gets forced on you;

4. Confirm your development goals after holding a series of information gathering activities with key people involved in your work;

5. Establish lines of communications with anyone in your company involved in your development without ceding control or undue influence to them;

6. Be available to you for a defined number of sessions – not for life;

7. Be open to mutual evaluation at any stage to determine if it is right to continue the process;

8. Be willing to examine coach-employee fit at the end of the third and sixth sessions to ensure things are progressing as planned; and set a specific time frame at the end of the sixth session by which the intervention should be successfully completed;

9. Not impose any development plan on you unless the coaching goal is to alter unacceptable behavior such as sexual harassment or as a last effort to avoid dismissal;

10.Be someone you trust to keep the process confidential and focused on your needs.

Follow those guidelines and you’ll find a good coach. In my next post I’m going to go deeper into coaching to assess when coaching is most valuable, who’s a good candidate for coaching, and what that coaching needs to accomplish to be a good use of everyone’s time and money.

David Cohen is president of Strategic Action Group, and author of “Inside the Box: Leading with Corporate Values to Drive Sustained Business Success”.